This is not a sex toy

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 02/16/2017 at 13:00 • Filed to: None

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Along with the usual flowers, card and chocolates, I gave my wife a couple knickknacks for Valentine’s Day, including this !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . She makes brandy old-fashioneds where she muddles a sugar cube, maraschino cherry & orange peel, but uses my stone mortar.

When we exchanged gifts, she opened the end of muddler box with the rounded metal handle:

She looked at me with a raised eyebrow like, “is this what I think it looks like?” I quickly explained that no, this was in fact for making old fashioneds that she likes so much, and avoided any Valentine’s gift pitfalls.

If only she had instead opened the other end of the box, things would’ve been less confusing.

Thanks, Amazon.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2017 at 13:01

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Why can’t it be both?

PatBateman > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 02/16/2017 at 13:02

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Kinky times mint julep, please.

MonkeePuzzle > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 02/16/2017 at 13:02

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http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/anythings-a-dildo-if-youre-brave-enough

Pcm9799 > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2017 at 13:03

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That other side still doesn’t rule anything out.

Ash78, voting early and often > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2017 at 13:10

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I had a mojito the other night that was NOT muddled. I pulled the damned mint leaves out and did it with my fork. These bartenders need to get a clue.

CalzoneGolem > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 02/16/2017 at 13:25

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It’s a Valentine’s day tradition.

Tazio, Count Fouroff > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2017 at 13:27

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At least it’s not subliminally symbolic or anything ;-)

Chariotoflove > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie 02/16/2017 at 13:36

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Right? Especially if used one after the other, in the right order.

Tekamul > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2017 at 13:39

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Uh-huh, sure. Explain the batteries.....

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2017 at 13:43

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This reminds me that I really need an Art Deco cocktail set.

Meatcoma > CalzoneGolem 02/16/2017 at 13:48

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It’s a NEW Valentine’s day tradition!

CalzoneGolem > Meatcoma 02/16/2017 at 13:55

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Huzzah! Only the wettest of martinis for me.

Rico > Textured Soy Protein 02/16/2017 at 14:18

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Haha, it’s not but it could be!

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Chariotoflove 02/16/2017 at 15:44

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Or the wrong order, just don’t put it in the wrong hole.

Chariotoflove > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/16/2017 at 17:46

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Right or wrong depends on what you want to be minty fresh.

e36Jeff now drives a ZHP > Textured Soy Protein 02/17/2017 at 21:43

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My wife and I both like mojitos and bought a muddler which very quickly disappeared. After several months of looking/waiting for it to reappear, we gave up and bought another. True to form I found the old one about 15 minutes after we walked in the door after buying the new one.